Pathfinder
by MarkedMage
Summary: A story in which Jellal has many futures, many paths ahead. Along the way are the people he knows, loves, and cherishes, to guide him on his journey to find himself. This is a tale of one man's journey of self-identification, and the people who help him find his way. POST- SERIES. Jellal-centric, Jerza focused, arguably canon-compliant.
1. Prologue

**A/N: WOLFIE IS BAAAAAAAAACK! Hi friends, it's been a while. Hope you're all doing well. Ya girl is doing well, and finally has some more time on her hands to get back into the writing world. Not quite sure how I'll get into a writing schedule, but I wanted to begin writing again.**

**I'd like to get back into writing for FT again, and finishing Starcatcher, Sparks Fly and Rose of Winter. Not sure when I'll update them but I will let you guys know more as I figure it out. For now, here is a Jellal-centric fic, because he is my bby and deserves the world. Should be about 20 chapters, all around drabble-length or a little long, and focuses on his road of redemption. Enjoy, review, and favorite if it floats your boat. Love you guys.**

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**Title: Pathfinder**

**Summary: ****a story in which Jellal has many futures, many paths ahead. Along the way are the people he knows, loves, and cherishes, to guide him on his journey to find himself. This is a tale of one man's journey of self-identification, and the people who help him find his way. POST- SERIES. Jellal-centric, Jerza focused, arguably canon-compliant.**

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**Prologue**

Jellal Fernandes realizes that his life has been shaped by the people in his life. Each and every one of them has their hands rooted firmly in his past, present, and future. Every one of them has taught him an important lesson in life, some more important than others. However, no matter how small or how big these lessons are, they have molded and created Jellal to be the man he is today.

Jellal likes to believe that this next chapter in his life is leading him on a new path, one of redemption and maybe self-healing. His past has a contentious history, and he still finds himself waking up in the middle of the night, gasping in pain under the weight of his sins. Despite Queen Hisui's pardon, he knows that what he truly needs is to forgive himself, if he truly wants to be the man he needs to be (_the man _she _needs him to be_).

Ever since their crimes had been pardoned, Jellal had disbanded Crime Sorciere, since the Dark Guilds and Zeref had been mostly dealt with. Any Dark Guilds that exist now hide in the shadows, and probably won't show their faces for many years to come. Thus, Crime Sorciere had separated, each member going on a journey for themselves. Last Jellal had heard, Richard, Midnight and Racer had been making their way to Lamia Scale, intent on reuniting with Jura. Angel was last seen in the port of Hargeon, and Cobra had been traveling to Fairy Tail, no doubt searching for Kinana. And Meredy, dear young Meredy had decided to travel to Ultear's birthplace, near the village of Isvan, to pay respects to her mother-figure.

As for Jellal, he's not quite sure where his path will take him. He knows his end goal, but he knows it's a long journey in order to reach it, a twisting path of lessons, heartache, grief and acceptance. He knows this, and has known this from the moment of his pardoning.

His meandering path is leading him home, to Magnolia, to her. He doesn't know how long it will take. He only hopes that at the end of it, he'll finally be what he has always yearned for. Worthy. Of life, of happiness, of her.

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**A/N: So, what do you guys think? Worthy of the man, the myth, the legend himself? Please let me know what you think.**

**Also talk to me. I miss you guys. Tell me how life is going.**

**Every following chapter will focus on a character and how they impact Jellal's path of redemption. They'll follow a loose timeline and a loose canon-compliant plot. As you're probably well aware, this is a POST-SERIES fic. Hope you guys enjoyed it.**

**Love,**

**Wolf**


	2. Shadows of the Past

**A/N: Hi Friends, I'm back with first chapter of Jellal's penance journey, where he seeks to find himself and turn himself into a man worthy of life (although lets be honest, my bby already is). I'll be 100% honest in this criticism, I think Mashima really fell short on Jellal's story. He set him up so well, with his horrible childhood, his fall into darkness, and then he begins to set up Jellal's redemption, but then kinda...forgot? Like I understand that he had much more pressing matters to attend to (ahem *coughcough*Natsu*coughcough), but still. It would've been nice to get a bit more from those last couple chapters on him and Erza and all that. Therefore, I find it my job to fix that, and give Jellal the proper ending he deserves. **

**Speaking of perfect character development, I've been getting bigtime into the Zutara fic world. Zuko is Jellal done right (IMHO). I loved Zuko's character in ATLA, and I really appreciated how the authors developed and worked and changed Zuko into a very relatable person. Am I disappointed in the canon ending. Yes. Absolutely yes. I am a hardcore Zutara fan, hence the fanfiction. I recently read "Beyond the Rising Sun" and it was fantastically wonderfully beautifully tear inducing amazing. I 10000000% recommend it on a daily basis please. ALSO, I will probably be sticking my fingers in some Zutara fics of my own at some point, but I will try to keep them to oneshots for now as I work on my other pieces.**

**Other than that, that's enough for my rambles for now. I'm glad you guys liked the prologue. Love you all!**

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**Pathfinder: a story in which Jellal has many futures, many paths ahead. Along the way are the people he knows, loves, and cherishes, to guide him on his journey to find himself. This is a tale of one man's journey of self-identification, and the people who help him find his way. Jellal-centric, Jerza focused, arguably canon-compliant.**

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Chapter One: Shadows of the Past

"_Acceptance of one's life has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices"_

– _Paul Tournier_

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Jellal's dream is a kaleidoscope of emotion, color bleeding into his subconscious for the first time in years. It comes as a shock to him, because when he opens his eyes to his dream world, it's as vibrant as the real one, rather than the desolate greys and blacks that usually haunt him. Ever since the Nirvana incident, when he woke up, or was "reborn", he's been subject to monotone fantasies, no doubt a side effect of his resurrection. While physical injuries fade with time (and little Wendy's _damn_ good healing abilities), it would make sense he wouldn't come out of that whole situation unscathed. And while he is completely fine with dreaming in black and white, he's a little pleased and slightly shocked that he's met with blues and yellows and _scarlet._

He blinks, and looks around at the dream world his fantasy has created for him. It looks like the beach where Ultear unleashed Fairy Tail's second origin, where he and Erza shared a brief, beautiful moment (and right before he became the most _idiotic _mage in history). He blushes.

"Well this is a sight I'd never see," a gruff voice says behind him, and Jellal whirls, coming face to face with a shadow from the past. He blinks a few times and his jaw works, but the stellar mage is shocked well into silence, so he stares dumbly while the wraith before him smiles, sadness and warmth brimming in his black eyes.

"Hi there, Jellal," Simon says. Jellal says nothing, and to this, ghost-Simon laughs. "Is that it? The great stellar mage Jellal Fernandes has nothing to say? I don't remember you being quite so...stoic."

Jellal doesn't take his eyes off of Simon. "And I don't remember you being quite so... uh... _animate_."

Simon laughs, and steps forward, towards Jellal's frozen form. "Well, I'm not," the taller man says, and claps what seems to be a very _live_ hand onto the blue haired wizard's shoulder. "I'm just a piece of your past coming to speak to you before you move on to the next chapter of your life."

Jellal frowns, his brain finally starting to catch up and _recuperate_, which shows in his next statement. "_What?"_

How eloquent.

Simon grins, and snaps the fingers of his other hand. Jellal blinks, and suddenly they are standing on the bluffs, overlooking the sea. The sky is a beautiful canvas of blues and purples, yellows and pinks, and scarlet. The wind is blowing through Jellal's hair, bringing the scent of salt and sea. He takes a deep breath, feels the air expand his lungs and lighten his chest.

Simon stares at the man standing before him. The mage's eyes are closed, face turned towards the wind, and there's a certain calmness to the stellar wizard he hadn't seen, not in a long time.

"You've changed since I last saw you," Simon says, and Jellal turns to him. "You're no longer the same man I remember. And before you ask, I do have memories of the Historia Neinhart cast."

Jellal's eyes furrow. "I wasn't there," SImon assures him, before the blue haired mage can open his mouth. "But the Historia is a strange magic. I wasn't brought back to life, but I felt like I'd been dreaming. I remember seeing you, and Kagura, and Erza."

Jellal frowns, and finds himself sitting all of a sudden, on the same patch of boulders that he had been before (when he severely messed up and ruined any reputation he had and will ever have).

"The Historia," he muses, his eyes narrow. "That was a tough fight, for all of us. I know Kagura struggled with fighting with her brother."

Simon nods, and comes to sit next to Jellal, his bulk radiating warmth (_that, _Jellal notes, is something that tends to happen for things that are, you know, _living_). "I know," Simon says. "It was tough watching and being a part of that fight. I felt like I couldn't control my body, and to be completely honest, I was in such a daze I really wasn't fully aware of what was going on. But I do remember the pain and sadness she felt, and I relate. It's hard to kill someone you love."

The last statement hits Jellal so solidly in the gut, he sucks in a sharp, rattling breath. 'Simon, I-"

Simon waves a hand, cutting Jellal's rebuttal dead in his throat. "I know it was hard for Erza too," he continues. "The last time she saw me was what, the Tower of Heaven? God, that was such a long time ago." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair. Jellal stares and realizes that SImon is barefaced, his brown hair pushed back, his two eyes clear of any scars or eye patches. His eyes are clear, and _happy._

Simon looks at Jellal, then turns his gaze back to the sea. "We were young and stupid," he says after a moment. "I was so engulfed in the Tower of Heaven, but the one thing that remained constant was my love for Erza. To this day, had I lived, I would still lay my life down for her."

"She truly is a remarkable woman," Jellal whispers.

Simon smiles. "That she is. She certainly seems to have a knack for finding the humanity in us and bringing it to life."

Jellal looks at Simon, _really _looks at him. "Simon," he begins hesitantly, not really sure how to continue. "I wanted to say I'm-"

"I know," Simon says, turning his dark gaze onto Jellal. "I've known for a while, Jellal. The dead have a talent for hovering on the surface between life and after, and I've been quite aware of the life you've led ever since you turned away from the dark. And I saw it for sure when we met again in the Historia. Your heart is... lighter now."

Jellal reaches out and touches Simon's shoulder, turning the larger man to face him. "Simon," he says, his voice growing stronger. "I'm _sorry_. The man who I was- the demon who I became, was not the friend you grew up with. I know what I did was wrong, and I can never truly atone for taking your life away, when my life was more worthless."

Simon shakes his head. "You were never worthless, Jellal," he says. "Straying from the path you were meant for doesn't render your life meaningless. Darkness is a disease, one that creeps into your mind and engulfs your soul, tempting you with glory and riches that are only mirages that hide the decay and chaos underneath. I'm glad you were able to realize this, and break free from the shadows before you were fully consumed."

Jellal smiles. "I had help," he confesses. "A certain firebreathing dragonslayer certainly helped."

Simon laughs, dark and rich. "Of course. That Natsu Dragneel, he definitely was a little spitfire of a boy. How is he doing now?"

Jellal shrugs. "I'm not sure, to be honest," he says. "A lot happened after the Historia, and I don't know how emotionally scarred he is from the battle. But he has his friends and family to guide him on his way, so I believe he'll be alright in the end."

Simon is quite, and Jellal looks to find the other man staring at him, a distant look in his eyes. Jellal watches as Simon appraises him, and waits for him to speak. After a moment, Simon does.

"And what about you?"

Jellal blinks. "What do you mean?"

Simon sighs. "You've a long road to redemption, Jellal. You were ensconced in the darkness for so long. I still see the essence of it tainting you, tendrils of it trying to tug at your soul. How are going to cope with that?"

"I don't know," Jellal confesses after a moment. "I just feel so much guilt for all the pain I've caused, the sorrow and heartbreak I put the people I love through. And I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for doing what I did to you."

Simon is quite. Finally, "I know it's hard," he says quietly. "And I understand why you find it so difficult for killing someone so close to you. But I'm not mad at you, Jellal."

Jellal's head nearly comes flying off his body at the speed he snaps his neck around to stare at the other man. "Are you crazy?" he seethes. "I murdered you, Simon. I took your life with my bare hands, and laughed while you suffered. I took joy in Erza's pain and reveled in it. How could you not be mad at me?"

Simon stares over the water. "I find it a little confusing too, to be completely honest," he confesses. "After all, it would make sense, me being bitter in the afterlife, watching someone who I had trusted hurt the woman we love, and then kill me," (it is not lost on Jellal that Simon says "we" and not "I"). "But it's not the deads' job to hold grudges. I have no anger, no malice towards you, old friend. I see in your soul that you have changed, and that you want to atone for the sins of the past. And for that, I forgive you."

Jellal feels tears begin to form at the corners of his eyes. "Why, Simon?" he asks. "Why are you forgiving me?"

Simon turns and smiles. "Because," he says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. "I never stopped being your friend. And I think you've learned by now, friends never give up on each other."

Jellal's heart skips a beat. "Friends?"

Simon nods. "Yes, friends. I never once stopped believing in you, Jellal. Even when your heart strayed, I always kept faith that you would once again step on the right path. And I always held out hope that Erza would be the one to anchor you to the light once more."

_Being alive...is a sign of strength!_

_Your words gave me courage. They became the light that would guide me to the right path again._

Jellal sighs. "You're right," he admits. "She is my anchor. But I do not deserve her."

Simon shrugs, and stands up. "We accept that which we believe we deserve, but what we believe may actually not be true. You've a good heart, Jellal, I believe this with everything I have. I know you're sorry for what you've done, and I accept your apology. You need to forgive yourself."

Jellal looks up at Simon, his silhouette in shadow framed by the sunset. "But how?" he whispers. "How do I find it in myself to forgive and forget?"

"Forgiveness is easy, Jellal, once you've accepted that you're a different man and you deserve a chance at life. But you must never forget what you went through to achieve it. Forgive, but never forget."

Jellal nods. "I'll try," he whispers. "I can't promise "I'll get there, though."

"I never imagined you would. The road to redemption is often long and painful. But it also helps if you have friends and family there to support you." Simon winks. "That always helps."

Jellal turns his head away. "I don't have any family."

Simon bends down, making Jellal look back at his friend, black eyes dancing with mirth. "That's where you're wrong, Jellal," Simon says. "You always have, and always will, be a part of our family."

_Simon. Sho. Wally. Milliana. Rob. Erza. Jellal._ Family.

Jellal's eyes widen, but before he can say anything else, Simon straightens up, and turns to face the sunset once more. "It's time," Simon says. "It's time for me to go and move on. I wanted to talk to you one more time, and let you go. I knew that you wouldn't be able to move forward to finding yourself until you got closure, and I wanted to tell you that I still love you, no matter what. And no matter what road we find ourselves on, in this life or the next, you will always be my brother."

He turns once more, and Jellal stares upon his old friend. There is a smile on Simon's face, his eyes closed in peace. Jellal feels the tears well up and run down his cheeks, and he reaches out a hand, opens his mouth, to say something- _anything_\- but then the sun flares, brightness obscuring his vision-

And Jellal wakes up.

He lies there for a moment, gasping and clutching his chest. Hot tears obscure his vision, and he can't breathe.

_I forgive you._

Jellal closes his eyes and forces himself to take a deep breath. _I'm not worthy of your forgiveness, Simon._

_That's what you believe. What I am saying is that you are, and you deserve happiness. Please let me go, and stop holding yourself back from living the life you were meant to have. Life is full of suffering, and full of pain, but that's what makes life so worth it. It's find the happiness inside of all the sorrow, and bringing your own light to shine in the world._

Jellal opens his eyes again, and sits up. He's on the side of a hill, looking out over the city of Hargeon. Beyond lies the glittering sea, painted a deep scarlet that reflects the sunrise.

_Scarlet._ He can't escape her, no matter how much he tries to. But maybe he shouldn't- after all, Simon and he himself agree that she is his anchor.

No, he can't, not now. He's only just begun the road to redemption, and he still needs to find out who he truly is before he can see her again. He swore that he would only present himself to her when he proved he was worthy of being the man she deserved.

_Forgive, but never forget._

Simon was right. He needs to move past this. What he did to Simon, to his family, to the entire world was atrocious, and he understands why some would not want to give him a second chance. But he needs this for himself, he needs to find out for himself if he is worthy of happiness.

"Alright, Simon," he muses out loud. "I will try and find happiness for myself. Thank you for understanding. Wherever you are, I want you to know that. From now on, I am going to live my life for you. Your life is my second chance, and I will not waste it and tarnish your memory. For you, I will try, brother."

Far off in the distance, the sun shines, and a new dawn rises over Jellal Fernandes.

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**A/N: I really fought with myself on where I wanted Simon's chapter to be. At first I was thinking of having it be towards the end, like the final forgiveness that Jellal needs (well, not the final_final_), but then it hit me that Simon is Jellal's very first major sin. I know that kicking Erza off the island and betraying his family is big, but Simon is his first murder, and its his first best friend. That's why Simon is chapter 1, because I truly believe that Jellal would need some closure from Simon before he could truly move on. And that is the first of many lessons for Jellal: forgiveness.**

**Also don't you guys love how I said this would be drabbly-length and then this 3,000 word monster shows up. Ask me how I did it. Answer: I have no idea. Word vomit, that's all it is.**

**Let me know what you think. As always, favorite, follow, and review if you liked it! I wanna hear your thoughts!**

**Love you guys,**

**Wolf**


	3. Scream Until Your Lungs Bleed

**A/N: Hi, I'm back. I got into a writing mode- the one where inspiration takes over and nothing can get in the way of a good writing sesh- and knocked out this 3k+ mess in a couple hours. IDK if its even good, I had a bit of a hard time writing this chap, but I'm just gonna publish it and throw it to the wolf cubs (get it, cuz I'm Wolf? And this is where you guys tell me to shut up and get some sleep)**

**Someone PMed me to make sure I post a disclaimer. So uh, disclaimer: disclaimed. I am not the owner of FT, Mashima is. If I were, the title would be something along the lines of Jellal-Is-My-Baby-Let-Me-Prove-To-You-Why-He-Deserves-love, or some other bs thing like that. So yes, not the owner, but I do lay claim to the title that I am Jellal's biggest fan and if he were real and Erza did NOT exist, I would climb that MF like a goddamn tree.**

**Mature language in this chap as well. I'm gonna be adding more mature language from now on, hence why this is an M rating. Young readers, you have been warned**

**As always, favorite, follow and review! Tell me what you think of this trash (both the chap and me :) )**

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**Pathfinder: a story in which Jellal has many futures, many paths ahead. Along the way are the people he knows, loves, and cherishes, to guide him on his journey to find himself. This is a tale of one man's journey of self-identification, and the people who help him find his way. Jellal-centric, Jerza focused, arguably canon-compliant.**

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Chapter Two: Scream Until Your Lungs Bleed

"_Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for the past and fear of the future."_

_~ Fulton Oursler_

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Solitude. There's a certain peace that silence brings- the calming serenity of the stillness of it all. Jellal's longest companion, silence, once again accompanies him on the road, lending him the quiet support as he gets lost in his own thoughts. He's so used to the quiet that solitude brings that he's actually startled when the next town comes into sight, and the hustle and bustle the city brings invading his peace. There's a certain order to all this chaos, he muses, as he stares at the entrance of the city of Clover. It's midday, so all the shops are open, and from this distance he can hear women haggling over produce, men bonding over mugs of beer, and children running in the streets, their peals of laughter something Jellal hasn't heard in quite some time. Dogs are barking, cows are mooing, and the noise is so tumultuous, yet calming all at once.

He enters human civilization for the first time in years as a free man. Around him, he can feel the stares of others lingering on his face, and he knows his reputation far precedes him. Jellal knows that Hisui's pardon can only do so much- mistrust and fear are two of the simplest traits that linger in people's hearts, far after the misdeed is done. He knows that what he did- the Tower of Heaven and Nirvana- will probably never fade from peoples' hearts, and he knows he may never regain their trust, if he even had it in the first place. But that's ok. He doesn't need everyones' trust. He just needs to prove to himself that he can do good, he can _be _good.

He stops by a vendor selling fresh bread, and stops, picking up a loaf. The bread is crusty and warm, fresh out of the oven. He looks at the woman behind the cart. She's beautiful, with dark curly hair and warm brown eyes, eyes that aren't narrowed in fear. She smiles, eyes lingering on his tattoo for a brief moment, before meeting his eyes.

"5 jewels," she says cheerfully.

Jellal nods and reaches into his pocket, offering her the money. She takes it and gives him another smile. "Good day to you, Mr. Fernandes."

Jellal pauses. "You know me?" he asks dumbly. He knows that his tattoo and hair far precedes him, but he's mostly shocked that someone would blatantly use his name, in such a friendly manner too.

She nods. "Of course! You helped save Kagura's life when Neinhart attacked!"

"Kagura?" he says "You know of Mermaid Heel?" His mind flashes to a young woman with black hair and piercing gold eyes, and then to another, with brown hair and brown eyes, red war paint staining her cheeks.

"Of course I know Kagura, she's our town's pride and joy! Mermaid Heel is the heart and soul of Clover town!."

Jellal frowns. "Huh," he says, pocketing the bread. Out of all the places to end up, the hometown of the girl whose brother was his best friend, his first ally, and his first sin, is the last place he ever imagined to be. It's only a little fitting though, that on his road to retribution, his first step is here. To right a wrong, and mend a broken soul.

He asks the baker where Mermaid Heel is located, and she points him to the center of town. He makes his way to the guild with an eerie sort of calmness lingering in steps, despite the fevered state of his mind. _Kagura. _The girl with black fire in her heart and the sorrow of death painted upon her soul. He recognizes the conflict within her- the sheer desperation to right the wrongs done to her, but also not wanting to turn down a dark path. In the battle against Neinhart, when he had saved her from the explosion, he hadn't expected her to return the favor and give him back life, when it was well within her right to take it.

He doesn't remember too much about her. Back at the tower, he'd been too consumed with hunger, and the sheer desperation to _leave_, he hadn't paid any thought to Simon when he cried about missing home. And when Erza came into the picture, he'd thought about Simon even less. When the darkness consumed his soul, he hadn't even spared a thought to the wellbeing of his friends, let alone their loved ones or their homes. He hadn't cared at all. And now, he finds himself regretting it more than ever, trying to redeem himself to the girl who deserves more than he can ever give.

Regret. It's such a short, somehow meaningless word, yet it lasts forever. Jellal's life is centered on such a simple fact, quivering on the fine line between regret and guilt. He has to admit, for the first time, he feels a little lost. This guilt of his past sins is something he's always known, the only true and tangible thing he's ever known, and he's really not sure if it's something he can truly overcome. And that scares him, really truly scares him, because how can he become a better person if there is a little part of him that doesn't believe he can? What future is there for a person with a tainted soul like his?

He stops and stares. Before him stands the majesty of Mermaid Heel, a grand building of silver stone and brick. A large silver statue of a mermaid stands guard before him, her hand outstretched as if to ward off strangers, and he feels her baleful stone eyes boring into him, like she's reading the permanent stains to his heart. He shivers, and lowers his gaze to the open doors, where he sees many young women-no, _mages_\- milling about. His eyes rove over the many bodies, searching, beseeching-

There. A tall girl, her long brown hair in tussles and curls down her back, a purple cape on her shoulders, and when she turns, red warpaint like battle scars on her cheeks. They make eye contact, and Jellal's shoulders relax just a little. The baby of their family, who's heart could never be blackened no matter how much strife was thrown at her. Little Milliana.

"Jellal!" she screeches, dropping the glass she was holding and bounds over to him, throwing herself into his arms. He grunts, and staggers under the weight of her, what was once soft baby fat now replaced by muscles of titanium set under her skin. A child no longer, but a warrior of a war that never should have happened.

She's grown up.

She pulls back and stares up at him. Jellal smiles, and gently wipes away the tears that have started to run down her cheeks. "Hi Milliana, how are you?" he asks.

She grins. "Big brother Jellal," she says. "I haven't seen you in forever. I _missed _you!"

He chuckles. "Me too, Milliana," he replies, pulling her back into another hug. "You have no idea how much I missed you too."

She sniffles and buries her face in his shoulder. He closes his eyes, and inhales the scent of her, warm and fruity and smelling so much of a home he pictured in his head, but could never possess himself. There's a sudden longing in his chest to turn back time, back to a place where he could redo everything, where he can be with Erza and Simon and Sho and Wally, where they could raise Milliana and be reunited with Rob, and everything would be alright. That longing turns to bitter acid in his throat when Milliana pulls away again, and he gets a good look at her- sees the weariness that war brings in her eyes, the marks of battle on her skin. No one got out of the war unscathed. Not even Milliana.

"What are you doing here, big brother?" Milliana asks him. She turns to look back into the guild, where a small number of girls have gathered by the entrance, before turning back to him. She bites her lip. "Kagura-"

"-Is one of the reasons why I'm here," Jellal finishes for her. "I need to speak with her."

"Speak with me about what?"

Jellal freezes. That voice pierces him and pins him down, making him unable to move from the sheer fierceness in it. He takes a breath, and then forces himself to look past Milliana.

"Hello, Kagura."

Kagura eyes Jellal warily, one hand on the hilt of Archenemy. She looks regal in her plain white kimono dress, and her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, showing off the high arch of her cheekbones and the smooth slope of her porcelain neck. Jellal stares at her, seeing the tension rolling off her of coiled muscles, her legs poised to take off at the slightest sign of animosity. She's a capable woman, just about Erza's equal, and Jellal doesn't know if he could best her in a fight- not that he'd want to. She stares at him, brown eyes like chips of steel, sharp and dangerous, analyzing his every move. She doesn't respond to his greeting.

Jellal moves past Milliana, slow and cautious. "Kagura," he begins hesitantly. "I've come here to beg your forgiveness for Simon. I know I do not deserve it, but here I am, nonetheless."

She continues to stare, and Jellal lets her pick him apart under his gaze. There is a long, tense moment of silence, and Jellal can feel Milliana's eyes dart back and forth between the two of them.

Finally Kagura speaks. "You're right," she says. "You don't."

Jellal nods. "Kagura, I know that I do not deserve this gift of life you gave me," he begins. "But nevertheless, you gave me my life back. Please let me repay you back, somehow. Please."

She stares, brown boring into green. "If you want my forgiveness, then you need to take it from me," she said, whirling around. "Meet me at the fields at the edge of the city in a half hour. We'll settle this there."

* * *

In silence, nothing breathes. The air itself is still, and quiet, and listening. Silence is the world suspended in time, waiting for anything to break the spell.

In the field, it is silent. Even the city has gone quiet, like it is holding its breath while Jellal waits. Jellal revels in the familiarity that the quiet brings, but is also truly nervous. He paces the length of the field while he waits for Kagura. He's not sure what she meant by, "We'll settle this there," but he has a good feeling that it won't end well. Things don't usually end well for Jellal.

Time starts again, in the brief moment it takes Jellal to inhale. He hears a faint whisper on the wind, a subtle tousles in his hair, and he whirls, jumping back just as a white shadow slams into the dirt where he'd just been. The impact sends him stumbling back, digging his heels into the dirt as the air screams around him. He coughs, inhaling in debris from the sudden explosion, and squints his eyes to see through the dust.

The figure in white stands, and Jellal's eyes widen. It's Kagura, standing in the clearing dirt, Archenemy drawn and pointing in Jellal's direction.

"I saved your life," she says, eyes narrowed and teeth bared in a mocking resemblance of a grin. "Now it's time to see if it was worth it. Fight me Jellal, and prove to me that your life was worth it, when my brother's wasn't!"

Jellal backs up, but Kagura doesn't give him a moment to think. Suddenly, there is pressure on the air around him, and he's thrown to the ground.

_Gravity change,_ he realizes, groaning under the weight of Kagura's immense magic power. _I had no idea she has this much magic control!_

She advances on him, the tip of her sword arching to come sweeping across his unguarded throat. Panic wells up within him, threatening to spill over like water in a dam, but he pushes it down. He summons up his magic, encasing himself in golden stellar power, and shoots up from the ground. It's harder than usual to use Meteor as he fights against Kagura's gravity change, but he steadily makes distance and turns, ready to challenge her-

And suddenly she's there, slamming into him and sending him crashing to the ground. He cries out when he makes an impact, feeling his lip split and his ribs groan from the crash. He lies there, stunned for a few moments, and feels Kagura's shadow above him.

"Pathetic," he hears her snarl. He looks up, and she is glaring down at him, Archenemy pointed at his throat. "Prove to me that your life is worth it, Jellal. I could've killed you, and to this day, I still wonder why I saved you. So prove to me, Jellal, why it was worth saving you."

Jellal narrows his eyes. He activates Meteor again, and slams Kagura, sending her flying. "I'm sorry, Kagura!" he screams. "I killed Simon, and I am so _fucking sorry_!"

"You murdered my brother!" she screams back, flying at him. They clash, and Jellal barely dodges Archenemy before he retaliates, summoning Pleiades. The six starbeams dance through the air towards Kagura, but she easily slashes through them with her blade. "You killed the only family I had left!"

"He was my family too!" he shouts, tears running down his cheeks. "I murdered my best friend, my brother in arms. I know you hate me, and I hate myself too." They've stopped fighting, and are standing before each other, panting. There is no more fight left in either of them.

"Erza led me back to the path of light," he cries. "I am trying to atone for my sins, Kagura, I truly am. I know I cannot bring Simon back, and I know nothing I do can ease the suffering in your heart, but I need you to know how sorry I am. I regret it all, Kagura, I really do. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could redo it all, and fix my mistakes. I am so sorry Kagura. I will spend the rest of my life atoning for my sins, and I promise you, I will make it my mission to make sure Simon did not die in vain. Please."

Kagura is crying as well. Her hand sags, and Archenemy kisses the ground. "I hated you for the longest time," she whispers. "I couldn't understand why you killed Simon, why you took my brother away from me. I couldn't stand how Erza stood up for you- how she still saw good in you. I wanted to kill her, I wanted to kill you, for taking away the only good thing in my life."

Jellal closes his eyes and drops his head.

"I don't know why I saved you," Kagura confesses, and Jellal looks up. "God knows you didn't deserve it. But seeing you lying there, it just didn't seem right. If you were going to die, it was going to be either by my hand, or by the enemy's."

She clenches her grip on Archenemy, and it rises back to point at Jellal. "Saving you helped save Erza and beat Alvarez. And that may be the only reason that is keeping me from retaking the life I gave you. Because Erza wouldn't want that, and I respect her enough to honor her wishes."

"I don't deserve that, Kagura," Jellal whispers.

She nods, taking another step forward so that she's right in front of him. "You're right, you don't. And I don't think I can ever truly forgive you. But I can't be caught up in my anger and regret. Erza taught me to look ahead and strive towards a better future. I need to move past you, and you need to move past me."

She takes his hand and turns his palm skywards. He watches as she slashes Archenemy across his palm, and doesn't wince when the blade bites deeply into his skin, sending blood spurting down to the ground and over his wrist. She holds his hand, and stares bitterly into his eyes.

"Let this scar serve as a reminder to you," she says harshly, removing Archenemy and lowering her hand, the blade dripping with Jellal's blood. "Know that the air you breathe is because Simon died to give you life, and I am letting you keep it."

"I'll never forget him," Jellal whispers solemnly. "I'm sorry, Kagura, I truly am."

She drops his hand, and turns her back to him. "I understand that you'll want to speak with Milliana," she says. She begins to walk away, back towards Clover. "I'll have her sent to find you, along with some supplies to patch up your hand. But I want you out of my city before nightfall, Jellal Fernandes. Do not be caught here after the sun sets."

She walks away. Jellal stares after her, the tears beginning to dry on his skin. She is a regal thunderstorm, beautiful in its chaos, but twice as dangerous. Jellal stares and can't help but feel regretful for creating such sorrow in her heart. It's something he's just going to have to live with. She gave him his life back, at the cost of Simon and her own thirst for vengeance. And Jellal can't help but respect the woman she has become.

He crashes to his knees. A tired chill creeps into his bones, and his hand begins to throb from the pain. He looks at the gouge in his palm, the blood running down his hand, and feels his heart crack. _Oh Simon_, he thinks, lowering his head_. You never said it would be this hard_.

But he already knew it was going to be difficult. And he knows Kagura will never forgive him. The road to redemption is a difficult path to follow, and not everyone will be willing to pardon him. And so he sits, and stares at Kagura's receding form, and lets the weight of her words settle into his soul.

_I am sorry._

* * *

**A/N: I'll be completely honest, I wasn't quite sure where to end with this one. I had a feeling that Kagura would never forgive Jellal for murdering her brother, she doesn't seem like the type. She does seem like someone who is willing to give chances, but I don't think she'll ever fully forgive and accept Jellal. TBH I really think the only reason why she saved Jellal is because she knows that his only way of truly working towards redemption is Erza. I think she does see Erza as his anchor to the light, and is willing to let him atone for his sins. But she won't forgive. I truly believe that.**

**The next chapter will have a little Kagura/Jellal interaction as well. IDK when it'll get posted, pls be patient.**

**Also, FYI, the original template for Starcatcher was supposed to be an original novel, but I hadn't gotten a good grasp of my characters yet, so I turned it into fanfiction. I'm currently working on the novel again, so the Starcatcher FF version will be similar if/and different from here on out. So if you ever see Starcatcher on the bookshelves, I promise, it is 99.99% not plagiarized from me. It's just, well, me. Haha.**

**As always, let me know what you think. I look forward to hearing from you!**

**Much love,**

**Wolf**


	4. I'll Give You the Sun

**A/N: Hi guys, I am back with another chapter of road-to-redemption Jellybae. Guys I cannot tell you how much I love this man- I would literally kill for him. If I owned Fairy Tail (Which I don't *ahem*DISCLAIMER*ahem*) this man would be the main character and there would be flowers and love and happiness and joy and-**

**Jesus christ guys you literally need to tell me to shut up otherwise I WILL GO FOR DAYS ABOUT MY LOVE FOR JELLAL FERNANDES. Pls stop me.**

**On the other hand, I am working on a fic for ZUTARA (which btw, I am a slut for). I'm debating on keeping it as a oneshot or going to a multi-chap, but I need to work on all my other fics too so it'll probably stay a oneshot. But once it's posted, please give it lots of love, ok?**

**A part of me hates this chapter and loves this chapter. More on that at the end.**

**Read, review and follow, if that floats your boat. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 4: I'll Give You the Sun

_"Siblings will take different paths and life may separate them, but they will forever be bonded by having begun their journey in the same boat."_

— _Unknown_

* * *

There's a heaviness in the air, a thick shadow that cloaks Jellal's heart. He sits in the field, blood cracked on his palm and in his soul, and stares at the star-choked sky above him. He feels their call, feels the magic within him stirring under his skin, singing at his fingertips. He closes his eyes, clenching his fists, and recalls the fight with Kagura. The sweet sting of battle, the harsh grunts of anger and pain screaming to the skies, the soft _schick_ of blood as it kisses the grass below.

"_Let this scar serve as a reminder to you. Know that the air you breathe is because Simon died to give you life, and I am letting you keep it."_

He grits his teeth and opens his eyes, unclenching his palm to look at the gash scored across it. The symbolism of it is not lost on him- the weight it carries is far heavier than any pain he's ever born. Kagura's pain and hatred will forever live on within this scar, and he'll carry it close to his heart forever. Knowing she can never truly forgive him is something he'll carry with him forever.

"You know Kagara-san told you to be gone from the city before nightfall," a voice calls to him, and he turns his head to see Milliana making her way towards him. She smiles and comes to stand next to him, bright eyes boring into his own. "Last I checked, big brother, it's nighttime, and you're still here."

The banter Milliana brings with her is as fresh as a spring wind, lifting Jellal's spirits and sweeping away some of the guilt from his shoulders. He clears his mind with a single breath. "Last I checked," he retorted. "I'm technically not in the city."

She laughs and plops down next to him, leaning her head onto his shoulder. "Touche, big brother," she giggles.

They share a quiet moment, and Jellal takes this opportunity to stare off into the distance. He thinks about what could have been, had he not surrendered to the dark. Maybe they could've made it off the island. Maybe he and Erza could have helped raise Milliana. Maybe Simon could have liv-

"None of that, Jellal," Milliana says, jabbing him in the shoulder.

He blinks and turns to look at her. She smiles wistfully, and takes his hand in hers, looking down at his gash. "It's no use thinking about what could have been, Jellal," she says, frowning as she pokes at his cut. "It is what it is. Every choice we've made has led us to this very moment, and to be frank with you, if I had to go back and do it over, I still would have made the same choices."

He startles, and she tsks at him, going into her pocket and pulling out some fresh gauze. She looks up at him wordlessly, and he hands her his flask of water from his hip with his good hand. She grins and takes it, pouring the contents of it onto his palm and washing away the dried blood. He hisses at the small twinge of pain, but lets her finish cleaning his cut.

"Why?" he asks after a moment. She stills, still looking at his pam, before responding.

"Because, Jellal," she says, beginning to wrap the gauze around his hand. "We live in a world where people believe that everything is black or white, good or bad." She looks up at him, finished with dressing his would. He finds that he can't tear his eyes away from her impossibly bright eyes. "I've come to realize that this world is just a mixture of grays, and we need to find the color in between."

She pulls away and rests against him, impossibly warm and familiar, yet surprisingly like a stranger to Jellal. He studies her closely. Her brown hair is piled in a messy bun at the nape of her neck. She looks at him, and he takes note of the wrinkles around her eyes, the gentle slope of her nose, the arched pout of her mouth. The little girl he'd known in the darkest years of his life is gone. She's grown up.

"We all made mistakes, big brother," she said, turning and looking at the stars. "I realize now that despite the terrible choices you and I made, it doesn't make us bad people. I mean, look at us now. I'm in Mermaid Heel, with the most noble of mages watching over me. And you," she turns to look back at him, "You helped us fight the dragons, Tartaros, and Alvarez, and you helped us defeat Acnologia. We've come a long way, you and I."

He sighs. "I don't feel like I've come anywhere," he confesses. "It's so hard to find redemption- I feel as though I can never be forgiven. Kagura is right to not forgive me. I killed her brother."

It's silent for a moment, the only sounds Jellal can hear are the steady gasps of Miliana's breathing and the ever present whisper of the stars in his soul. The breeze picks up, bringing with it the taste of homesickness and a longing in Jellal's heart for something he still has yet to figure out.

"I understand why Kagura can't forgive you," Milliana says. "You killed someone she loved."

He looks over to her and opens his mouth, but she cuts him off. "But you also killed someone I loved. You killed Simon, a brother to me as well. And for the longest time, I thought the Jellal I knew was dead too."

He sees the glimmer of tears beginning at the corners of her eyes and he moves, gently tugging her into his chest and wrapping his arms around her. "I am so sorry, Milliana," he whispers as her shoulders shake. He holds her tighter. "I forgot how much pain I must have put you through."

"It was so hard, big brother," she whispers into his shoulder. "I thought I lost you. Then I thought that if I did want you wanted, I'd be able to see the real you again. You were the sun for me, and all I wanted to see was your smile again. I thought that bringing Erza to you would bring you back to me, but then you betrayed my love and killed Simon. I hated you for so long."

He closes his eyes and buries his face in her shoulder.

"It hurt so much, Jellal," she continues. "My heart hurt so much. Losing you was one of the worst things that happened to me. I felt so lost- not only had I lost one brother in Simon, but then I lost another in you."

She pulls away from him and stares at him, wiping her cheeks. "But you're back, and you're here, and that's all that matters," she says firmly. "Kagura may never forgive you, but I have."

"You shouldn't have to," he tries to argue, but she silences him with a look that even Erza would be impressed by.

"Why are you fighting so hard against forgiveness?" she snaps. "For all your talk about redemption and wanting to be better, you refuse to be forgiven!"

"Because I don't know how!" he cries. Suddenly, he feels so much better about voicing his fears out loud. "I don't know how to function as a good person. For years I've carried this stigma about being a terrible person with me- I don't know how to be something that I'm not."

Milliana closes her eyes and rubs her temples. "For the love of god," she mutters under her breath. "I don't know _what_ Erza thinks she sees in you."

He flinches and opens his mouth, to defend Erza's honor or deny it he doesn't know, but Milliana cuts him off, again (if this is what Mermaid Heel is teaching her, he doesn't want to know what other semantics she's learned).

"I'm going to say this once," she says to him, leaning in close. "You, Jellal Fernandes, are a good person, despite history working against you. Get that into your thick, dumb skull, otherwise I'm going to find Kagura _and _Erza, and make them drill some sense into you. Got it?"

He stares, perplexed. He hasn't seen this side of Milliana in a long time, so fierce and strong. She's had good role models in Kagura and Erza, and he's relieved that whatever trauma he'd done to her hadn't taken that away from her.

"Is it that easy?" he whispers, lowering his eyes. "To just accept that I'm good?"

Milliana laughs and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. "No," she says. "And I have no doubts that it's going to be a hard journey to get there. But it's a good start. You have people who believe in you, big brother. I believe in you, and Erza does too."

He looks up at her, eyes narrowed. She catches his eye and grins. "Please," she snorts. "I've known about that not-at-all-subtle crush you've had on Erza ever since the beginning. I used to hate it, because I didn't think my brother and sister should like each other like that-" he sputters and waves his hands awkwardly "-but now that we're older, I think I get it."

He frowns at her. "You guys, the two of you just work together, you know? You guys are like the tides, push and pull, in perfect balance with each other. She helps center you, and you provide meaning for her."

He rolls his eyes. "I do not provide meaning for her," he retorts weakly.

She punches him in the shoulder, ignoring his grumblings of _i just got my ass fucking walloped can you please go easy on me_, grinning. "She strives to be as good of a person as you want her to be, Jellal," and he quiets, taking in her words. "Your faith in her is what keeps her going everyday- she wants to be strong and good, so that you can see that no matter how dark your past is, there is light for the future."

"How do you know this?"

She preens, proud of herself. "Erza and I had a long discussion after the war. We talked about you, and her, and what had happened. I hated you for the longest time, you know, after you killed Simon and hurt Erza, but Erza explained everything to me. How they tortured you, how you spent years under this mind suppression, and how you'd been spending every day after trying to atone. It made me see that this world is made up of varying shades of gray, and that we are the bright colors."

She stands, reaching under her cloak to pull a small sack of provisions out. "I don't know where your path is leading you, big brother, but I do know that Erza is somewhere at the end of it. I want you to know that not everyone will forgive you, and that is ok. Just know that no matter what, I love you with all my heart big brother, and for you, I'll give you the sun."

He takes the sack from her. "Some medicine, some food," she says. "You'll need it."

"Thank you, Milliana," he says. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

She shrugs. "Neither do I," she laughs. "Now you better be on your way before Kagura finds you out here. She might not let you walk away this time."

He stands and envelops her in a hug, breathing in her scent one last time before pulling away. "Thank you for believing in me, little sister," he whispers, tapping her forehead. " I won't violate that trust ever again."

She nods, smiling. "I believe you. And Jellal," she calls as he turns to leave. "When this is all over, don't be a stranger."

He looks over his shoulder and smiles. "Never," he calls, and heads into the forest, his heart lighter and his chest straighter than it had before.

* * *

**A/N: Listen, a part of me loves this chapter because now this story can finally move and get some gas going. I think Milliana is a crucial turning point- as a family member, I think she provides enough closure and enlightenment for Jellal to actually move forward, because she's seen him at his worst and his best. But I hate this fic because I absolutely DO NOT know how to write Milliana. I'm good at serious writing, and (no offense to Mashima nor Milliana) she's not a very serious character. I did my best.**

**Hope you guys liked it. Let me know what you think.**

**Love,**

**Wolf**


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